Another day on my own...
I really have to wonder sometimes if getting my heart ripped out time after time is some kind of karmic payback from a past life or something. Before anyone starts with the "You just haven't found the right guy" crap...Stop. Because I did find him...3 times...and yes it was different guys and before you say "Well how can that be? They obviously weren't the right guy because you aren't still with any of them" Let me explain.
Guy #1- Was and is one of my best friends and unfortunatly(For me) is currently in a marriage of convenience. We are very close but never acted upon anything romantic because by the time I confessed how I felt about him he was already involved with someone else. Even though he's not with anyone now neither of us acts upon it because it would ruin the friendship. He's my intellectual better half. My tactical advisor when I need a plan of attack, my partner in crime. He has truely seen me at my worst and yet picks me up and encourages me to be my best. We accept each other completely as the other one is and have, nor will probably ever, ask the other to change any part of themselves that they don't wish to. I adore him still, and we're very protective of each other. He's my "Knight in tarnished armor" and I'm his "Kagé Nísou" (It's Japanese for Shadow Priestess). He is the steel, I am the magicks.
Guy#2- Is an ex boyfriend who I was introduced to by my best girl friend. He was a co-worker of hers who had a girlfriend at the time but the relationship was going south. Neither of us wanted a relationship at the time, to put it bluntly we just wanted a good fuck. It wasn't always about that thankfully and a strong friendship developed. Thankfully it was able to withstand the dissipation of our romantic relationship and continue. It was one of those things where at the time it was right but things happened in the course of it that made us realize that no matter how much we tried to rebuild the romance, as friends we would always trust each other but as girlfriend and boyfriend we could never go there again.
Guy #3 is the relationship I am currently trying to fight for...or I should say trying to surrender it into the hands of the Gods and let them guide my footsteps where they should lead. I believe that he and I have come much to far to give up on this and others agree with me that he needs to get his priorities straight and hopefully he'll wake up and hopefully I'll still be there when he realizes he's been a fool...which is not an easy thing for him to admit because whether he wants to or not, he is a very prideful man. But it's one of the things I love about him because it's one of the things that makes him strong. Or maybe it's just plain stubborn...I don't know it could be both for all I know. All I know is I love him. I could go into more details but whoever is reading this would be gagging from the sicky sweetness of it all. *L*
Maybe I'll find someone else, but I doubt it. There's just some things you KNOW. No matter how open you try to keep your heart some of us are just supposed to walk this earth alone...I keep reminding him the future isn't written in stone.
Who knows...Not I.
Serenity+Starlight,
Elizabeth
Guy #1- Was and is one of my best friends and unfortunatly(For me) is currently in a marriage of convenience. We are very close but never acted upon anything romantic because by the time I confessed how I felt about him he was already involved with someone else. Even though he's not with anyone now neither of us acts upon it because it would ruin the friendship. He's my intellectual better half. My tactical advisor when I need a plan of attack, my partner in crime. He has truely seen me at my worst and yet picks me up and encourages me to be my best. We accept each other completely as the other one is and have, nor will probably ever, ask the other to change any part of themselves that they don't wish to. I adore him still, and we're very protective of each other. He's my "Knight in tarnished armor" and I'm his "Kagé Nísou" (It's Japanese for Shadow Priestess). He is the steel, I am the magicks.
Guy#2- Is an ex boyfriend who I was introduced to by my best girl friend. He was a co-worker of hers who had a girlfriend at the time but the relationship was going south. Neither of us wanted a relationship at the time, to put it bluntly we just wanted a good fuck. It wasn't always about that thankfully and a strong friendship developed. Thankfully it was able to withstand the dissipation of our romantic relationship and continue. It was one of those things where at the time it was right but things happened in the course of it that made us realize that no matter how much we tried to rebuild the romance, as friends we would always trust each other but as girlfriend and boyfriend we could never go there again.
Guy #3 is the relationship I am currently trying to fight for...or I should say trying to surrender it into the hands of the Gods and let them guide my footsteps where they should lead. I believe that he and I have come much to far to give up on this and others agree with me that he needs to get his priorities straight and hopefully he'll wake up and hopefully I'll still be there when he realizes he's been a fool...which is not an easy thing for him to admit because whether he wants to or not, he is a very prideful man. But it's one of the things I love about him because it's one of the things that makes him strong. Or maybe it's just plain stubborn...I don't know it could be both for all I know. All I know is I love him. I could go into more details but whoever is reading this would be gagging from the sicky sweetness of it all. *L*
Maybe I'll find someone else, but I doubt it. There's just some things you KNOW. No matter how open you try to keep your heart some of us are just supposed to walk this earth alone...I keep reminding him the future isn't written in stone.
Who knows...Not I.
Serenity+Starlight,
Elizabeth
posted by Rayne at 1:12 PM
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